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10 Signs My Baby’s NOT Sleeping Through the Night (so don’t ask)

2014/08 By Lauren B. Stevens 12 Comments

I remember those early days with my son, those days and weeks when we were fueled only by euphoria, forsaking sleep and taking shifts watching our new baby around the clock, lest he stop breathing (he didn’t) or some major milestone occurred (it didn’t). Trips out of the house were opportunities for us to shake off newborn, new parent, cabin fever and show our little one off with pride (but don’t get too close and DON’T even think about touching my baby, Stranger). Inevitably, we were bombarded with questions, which we, proud to have created such a beautiful specimen, were all too happy to answer.

The most commonly asked question, one that stays with me to this day, was whether our baby was sleeping through the night. This question began when he was a mere two weeks old, and we politely smiled, shook our heads, and proceeded to tell those kind folks (strangers as well) about all of the other awesome things our newborn was doing (soiling 12-15 diapers a day, smiling at us (and NO, it was NOT just gas), eating non-stop during his wakeful hours, cooing with gusto, etc.). But by 8 months old, the “sleeping through the night” question, and all of the unsolicited advice that came along with it, had begun to wear me down, and all I could do was grimace, shake my head, and mumble how my son was constantly hungry and just wasn’t a good sleeper.

 Curb unsolicited advice with these 10 signs my baby's not sleeping through the night.

Because of our experience, with a baby who preferred to take in virtually every moment of a 24 hour day, and the abundance of unsolicited [bad] advice we received, I decided to create a helpful list of signs for those people dying to know if a baby is sleeping through the night. Here is a quick reference guide to share with those who have the urge to ask someone how their baby is sleeping:

  1. You see nonsensical Facebook status updates posted by me at 2:30 am.
  2. You drop by, unannounced, to lend an ear, hand, or both, and I answer the door, oblivious to the fact that my milk-caked, lanolin-smeared breast is exposed.
  3. At the sound of a baby crying, any baby, I automatically stop what I’m doing and turn and head in that direction.
  4. While on the phone with me, I share how my bad day has gotten worse, now that I’m unable to locate my…phone. (this actually did happen)
  5. I call you to “catch up”, only to find that we’ve just spoken that morning. (see #4)
  6. You wake in the morning to find that I’ve ‘liked’ every photo in your vacation album on Facebook…from 3 years ago.
  7. My shirt is on backwards and/or my buttons are mismatched.
  8. I have circles under my eyes and an overall frazzled appearance. (see #7)
  9. I’m in tears, and neither you nor I know why.
  10. Any conversation with me involves me using “Ferber” as every part of speech (Ferberized, Ferbering, doing Ferber).

What other signs am I missing?  Help me create a definitive list by leaving signs your baby’s not sleeping in the comments:

 



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Filed Under: all, Editorial, featured, humor, Parenting Tagged With: baby, baby sleep, infant, newborn, top ten

Comments

  1. andy says

    2014/08 at 9:04 pm

    I am drinking 2.5 pots of coffee a day, just to stay alive.

    Reply
    • Lauren Stevens says

      2014/08 at 7:04 am

      Oh, man, you have it BAD! Have you put your coffee pot in the fridge yet? I’ve done this on many an occasion…

      Reply
  2. Katie Jurisch says

    2014/08 at 11:53 am

    I keep scorching the coffee because, in my exhausted state of delirium, I actually forget to drink the coffee I made to help me stay awake and remember things.

    Reply
    • Lauren Stevens says

      2014/08 at 7:05 am

      Oh, no! Burnt coffee is terrible! Make a few minutes for yourself and enjoy that steaming cup of coffee – you deserve it 🙂

      Reply
  3. Belinda says

    2014/08 at 5:13 pm

    When talking to friends, you stare off into space and stop talking mid sentence, then 5 mins later, repeat the same conversation, only to stare off and stop again. This cycle just keeps repeating…

    Reply
  4. angela says

    2014/09 at 10:18 pm

    You’ve walked around the house four times with the same soiled outfit in your hand that you meant to throw in the laundry but you keep forgetting what your actually doing

    Reply
    • Lauren Stevens says

      2014/09 at 7:42 am

      Hah! Spot. On!

      Reply
  5. Jenny says

    2014/11 at 10:27 am

    Love it! For me it is staying in my pajamas all day, and falling asleep while trying to get the baby down!

    Reply
    • Lauren Stevens says

      2014/11 at 7:52 am

      Were it not for yoga pants, I’d have been in my pjs too! Keep up the great work, zombie mama! 😉

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness says:
    2015/05 at 8:38 am

    […] I write this popular piece, 10 Signs My Baby’s Not Sleeping Through the Night (so don’t ask!), I was making a stab at humor, but the reality of it was than many of these were scarily true for […]

    Reply
  2. A Typical Vacation in Three Acts | BonBon Break says:
    2015/06 at 3:10 pm

    […] 10 Signs my Baby’s NOT Sleeping Through the Night […]

    Reply
  3. 10 Signs You're Ready to Stop Breastfeeding | BonBon Break says:
    2015/07 at 9:40 am

    […] 10 Signs My Baby’s Not Sleeping Through the Night (so don’t ask!) […]

    Reply

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Lauren B. Stevens is a former publishing rep-turned-writer, whose work can be found on ChildVantage, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy and Care.com, among many other websites. When she's not chasing her precocious preschooler, Lauren pens hilarious and heartwarming stories about her life as a mother, ghostwrites blogs for businesses, and sometimes even finds the time to write a bit of creative non-fiction.
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