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I’m In a Book: Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor

2015/04 By Lauren B. Stevens 5 Comments

I’ve been candid about my struggles with miscarriages and postpartum depression (PPD) on my blog and in other media outlets (Scary Mommy, Honest Mom, etc.). Last fall, I was having a Facebook chat with Jessica Azar (Herd Management), whom I had met through a blog conference and as a fellow NickMom Ambassador. Jessica and I were talking about the insanity of the upcoming holidays, and I was joking around about the fact that I felt pretty good…now that I was on medication. At the end of our exchange, Jessica asked me if I would be willing to submit a couple of essays about my experiences with PPD to be considered for an anthology about mental illness she was editing with Alyson Herzig (The Shitastrophy). I jumped at the chance (why not?) and was delighted to hear that one of the essays I had submitted was selected for their Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor Anthology.

Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor Book Cover

Today marks a pivotal date in my writing career, as Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor (SMITH) is finally released and available for purchase! While my own essay is about PPD, you’ll find a montage of essays about many types of mental illnesses: panic disorder, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, agoraphobia and more. You’ll read stories of struggle, and humorous accounts, but will be left with an overwhelming sense of hope in the end. Each contributor to the Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor Anthology illustrates that it is possible to live a fulfilled and meaningful life despite battling often crippling and debilitating mental illnesses. And, each contributor is sharing his/her story in an effort to destigmatize [mis]conceptions surrounding mental illness.

Not only are we, as contributors, attempting to share our [often insane and zany] stories to provide levity and comfort for others, but we are each contributing a portion of our proceeds to a charitable foundation close to our hearts. While most of the SMITH contributors are donating to a local foundation, I was adamant that my contributions go to a foundation that specifically dealt with miscarriage and recurrent pregnancy loss. I searched far and wide, but was unable to locate an organization, with such a specialized focus, in the United States (where I reside), so I have chosen to contribute to The Miscarriage Association, based in the United Kingdom (where I grew up). While The Miscarriage Association works to promote awareness, perhaps their greatest contribution is through the support they provide families who have suffered the loss of a baby in pregnancy. From their website:

“Those experiencing miscarriage often feel isolated and ignored, and understanding and sensitivity from friends and family can help enormously. It is much easier for people to give this when they have some knowledge about pregnancy loss and the impact it can have. The Miscarriage Association works with the media to raise awareness of these issues.

The Miscarriage Association works to raise awareness and sensitivity amongst health professionals through lectures, workshops and articles in professional journals. Their attitude and care can make all the difference in coping with the loss of a baby in pregnancy.”

I did not have this kind of support after my miscarriages, nor was I treated with sensitivity — these were all contributing factors to the development of PPD after miscarriage. My hope is that more support will become available for the many women who suffer the devastating loss, or losses, from miscarriage each year.

I share my story, freely and often, in hopes of destigmatizing the silence surrounding miscarriage, and letting other women and families know that they are not alone. I truly hope that you will take the opportunity to read my story, originally entitled Prozac Parade, and those of the 35 other contributors to the SMITH Anthology! Without further adieu, here are the links to purchase your copy:

Amazon Paperback ($12.99)

Amazon Kindle ($3.99)

iBooks ($3.99)

Nook ($3.99)

Please note that the Amazon links are affiliate links; this means that I will receive a small portion of any of the sales of the book from Amazon.

Please check out some of the other contributing authors, and their reasons for being a part of the SMITH Anthology, by clicking the links below:

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Filed Under: books, Editorial, experience, healing|support, Miscarriage, Parenting Tagged With: anthology, depression, humor, mental illness, mental illness anthology, miscarriage, pregnancy loss, surviving mental illness through humor

Honest Moms Speak Out

2015/02 By Lauren B. Stevens 2 Comments

I don’t believe any mother wants to publicly admit that she’s hit her child out of frustration. No mother wants to share that she contemplated suicide, divorce, disappearing. No woman wants to admit that she can’t carry a child in her womb. Yet we are surrounded by these women every day, the majority of whom are suffering in silence, sinking under the weight of her own thoughts. Would it surprise you to know that I am the woman who hit her child out of frustration, who contemplated suicide, asked her husband for a divorce, and daydreamed of packing her bags, walking out the door and never looking back? Would it surprise you to know that I am the woman who is ashamed that she’s been unable to carry three children in her womb? I am that woman, my friends.

No mother wants to share that she contemplated suicide, divorce, disappearing. No woman wants to admit that she can't carry a child in her womb. Yet we are surrounded by these women every day, the majority of whom are suffering in silence, sinking under the weight of her own thoughts.

[Read more…]

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Filed Under: all, Editorial, experience, healing|support, Miscarriage Tagged With: depression, essay, honest mom, honest moms speak out, mental illness, postpartum depression, PPD

Should I Try to Conceive Directly Following a Miscarriage?

2015/01 By Lauren B. Stevens 6 Comments

When I shared publicly, about suffering my first miscarriage, I received an outpouring of support and well-meaning advice. Overwhelmingly, people responded by telling me to try again as soon as possible; they meant well, but somehow I felt that this was bad advice [for me]. Don’t get me wrong, my first thought, after discovering I had suffered a missed miscarriage, was about trying again as soon as possible.

My first thought, after discovering I had suffered a missed miscarriage, was about trying again as soon as possible.

[Read more…]

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Filed Under: all, Editorial, experience, healing|support, Miscarriage Tagged With: chemical pregnancy, D&C, grieving process, miscarriage, miscarriage healing, miscarriage support, multiple miscarriages, recurrent pregnancy loss, therapy

Recovering After Miscarriage and Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (RPL)

2014/10 By Lauren B. Stevens 3 Comments

I want to begin by saying THANK YOU to everyone who has reached out, offering warm wishes, prayers, and commiserations; and thank you to everyone who has shared my story, in hopes of reaching others.  I am truly touched by the number of people who have reached out to me, sharing their stories, their hope, their support.  I’m taking it easy at the moment, and not entirely in the mood to be social, either online or in-person, but I am, most assuredly, doing well.

Recovery-miscarriage

[Read more…]

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Filed Under: Editorial, experience, healing|support, Miscarriage

THREE is the magic number

2014/10 By Lauren B. Stevens 12 Comments

Not one, not two, but three.  Three is the number of times I had to miscarry in order for my miscarriages to be deemed ‘recurrent’, and for my health insurance to cover testing to find a cause.  It didn’t matter that my first two miscarriages happened within six months of each other, nor did it matter that there were signs of a possible underlying cause (clotting present with both miscarriages).  I had to wait until I lost my third baby to be ‘labeled’ and for insurance to ‘deem’ that there was a problem worthy of being resolved by testing; I suffered my third miscarriage, in under a year and a half, yesterday. ThreeMiscarriages [Read more…]

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Filed Under: Editorial, experience, healing|support, Miscarriage Tagged With: baby loss, infant loss, miscarriage, recurrent miscarriage

My Grey Hair: Testament to a Life [Well] Lived

2014/08 By Lauren B. Stevens 13 Comments

I'm a featured blogger on Mamapedia Voices

I love my grey hair. I love the fact that I’ve let my hair take it’s natural course, without coloring over it’s silvery strands. I’ve earned every grey hair on my head, and wear life’s natural highlights with pride.

Image via morgueFile

Image via morgueFile

My greys are like scars, each a reminder of a good time, and some not so great times, in my life. Attending three universities, working full time, and a 5 ½ year long journey to earn my undergraduate degree, only to have the dotcom bust and be working for a minimal salary, wondering how I would make ends meet (and pay my student loans). Picking up the shambles of my life and moving thousands of miles away, taking a teaching job and having high school seniors give me a run for my money. Another move, back north thousands of miles, to attend graduate school and earn a Masters degree in a record year’s time.

All of these experiences in my twenties lead to the smattering of greys present on the crown of my head by my 30th birthday, sending me into a panic and straight to my hair stylist for highlights to mask that telling mark of aging. The next few years would be a bevy of change (good and bad), and trigger the burgeoning white crown, hidden under highlights and hair color.

[Read more…]

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Filed Under: all, Editorial, featured, healing|support, Miscarriage, Parenting, topics

Life on Zoloft

2014/06 By Lauren B. Stevens 15 Comments

A couple of months ago I wrote about my decision to begin taking a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) and delay trying to conceive after suffering two miscarriages last year. After two months on Zoloft, my world has softened and my life has become more manageable. [Read more…]

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Filed Under: all, Editorial, healing|support, Miscarriage

Pills vs. Pregnancy: Which Would You Choose?

2014/05 By Lauren B. Stevens 13 Comments

Featured on BlogHer.com

Hopefully the title caught your attention.  No, I’m not referring to a drug addiction, I’m referring to taking anti-anxiety medication and/or antidepressants while pregnant.  I recently posed a question about antidepressants & pregnancy on Facebook, and the overwhelming response was in favor of no medication for a healthy pregnancy.

PillsVSPregnancy.jpg

[Read more…]

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Filed Under: all, Editorial, experience, featured, healing|support, Miscarriage, Natural Living, Parenting, topics Tagged With: anti-anxiety, antidepressants, anxiety, medication, pills, pregnancy, stress

Finding Comfort After [Baby] Loss

2014/03 By Lauren B. Stevens Leave a Comment

I think miscarriage is one of the most common types of losses suffered, yet women rarely talk about it openly.  Sadly, so many women suffer in silence.  Friends and family mean well when they try to comfort with sayings such as: there was something terribly wrong with the baby, be thankful this happened now, or be grateful that you already have a healthy little one, or even that God loved your little baby so much that he wanted to keep him/her.  In reality, none of these things are helpful or comforting to hear and it’s better to say nothing than to say these things.  Trust me. 

[Read more…]

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Filed Under: Editorial, healing|support Tagged With: baby loss, miscarriage, miscarriage support

MOMcation: #NurtureMe

2014/02 By Lauren B. Stevens Leave a Comment

As I write this, my neck and shoulders are relaxed and I’m feeling like a large weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  I hit a wall last week and cried out for a break.  My husband heard my SOS loud and clear, and asked me if I minded him making arrangements for me to go away for a night.  My answer?  Absolutely not (one less thing for me to take care of)!

My husband was so secretive that the suspense would normally drive my crazy…if I hadn’t been so darn tired.  We drove out to the Philly area to sign paperwork for our new place, took a leisurely spin around IKEA, and then my husband handed me this brochure he made:

I’m not a fan of crying in public, but this made me lose it.  I honestly thought that my husband was just going to drop me off at a hotel for the evening, which was completely fine with me.  I can only imagine what the people in the crowded IKEA cafeteria were thinking, seeing a grown woman a blubbering mess — a happily blubbering mess.

After lunch, we hit the road so that I could get to the hotel around 3pm.  Lancaster is halfway between where we currently live and where we’re moving, so it was a convenient drop-off.  I lived in Lancaster while attending university, so I was familiar with the area where I was going to be staying.  In an interesting turn, I actually found our wedding photographer after seeing the beautiful photography he did for this particular hotel’s opening several years ago (Tony Gibble Photography, if you’re in the area).  The hotel?  An amazing boutique hotel called, Cork Factory Hotel.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of pictures from my 24 hour MOMcation — I was truly taking a break.  I did think to take a couple of photos with my phone just before I left, so they’re not the best quality.  As the name suggests, the hotel is located in a renovated factory in Lancaster.  Huge rooms, lofty ceilings with exposed beams, the accommodations were lovely.

I’m not going to put on a brave face, I’ll be honest, it took everything I had to hold back my tears as I walked away from my husband and Declan, and into the hotel to check in.  I had not been away from Declan for longer than 4-6 hours (and only a handful of times at that) since he was born over 19 months ago.  I’m the type of mom that misses their kiddo(s) a couple of hours after they’re in bed (Declan goes to bed at 6:30pm, so I typically start missing him around 9pm!).  My husband and myself take Declan on dates with us and prefer to do things as a family, so this was incredibly difficult for me.

As soon as I closed the door to my room I had a good cry.  I headed in to take a long, hot shower, continuing to cry throughout.  I was experiencing a multitude of feelings and emotions at that point: selfishness, relief, fatigue, peace — you name it, I ran through it!  I came out of the shower, donned my pjs and robe at 4pm in the evening, cracked open one of the sparkling waters my husband had in the room for me, and crawled into bed with a book.  I thought for sure that I would be asleep in no time, but I was just too excited about my ‘me’ time.  I read for a couple of hours, and then ordered food from the restaurant on premise (Cork & Cap Restaurant).

I would love to say that my evening was super exciting, but the reality is that I sat Indian-style in bed, munching on a beet salad and crab dip, watching the Olympics and wishing that my husband was there beside me.  It was really one of those moments when I reflected on how caught up in our daily lives and being parents my husband and myself are.  I made a mental note to tell my husband that we needed to munch on crab dip while watching television in bed sometime soon.  It really is about the little things, and my momcation helped me realize that.

My husband had scheduled spa services for me the next day, beginning at noon, allowing me to have a respectable lie-in.  I’m sure you know how that worked out — I popped up, wide-awake at the usual time, unable to go back to sleep.  After a late breakfast, I headed to the spa.  Plum Salon & Spa is located in the same complex as the hotel, so it was easy for me to walk over after checking out of the hotel.

Amazing, just amazing.  My husband had booked a massage and facial for me and I soaked up every minute of it.  I think I might be happy for the rest of my days if the only gifts I ever received from my husband were spa packages!

Why am I sharing this intimate time?  Because we all need a break sometime, but we rarely plan these moments for ourselves, blaming lack of time or feelings of guilt for not taking action.  Self care involves taking care of our own needs first, so that we are able to care for others.  Here I sit, days later, still feeling revitalized and having a great deal more patience with my toddler.  It works, it really works!

I also think that the opportunity to have some distance, literal and figurative distance, is wonderfully helpful and healing.  Mired in the day-to-day, literally stuck in the house [with these snowstorms], it’s difficult to have the necessary distance to take stock of things.  I am so unbelievably grateful to have had this time, this amazing break, and plan to make myself take ‘me’ time away at intervals.  I’m already planning on when my next MOMcation will be…

Have you ever taken a MOMcation?  Where did you go?  What did you do?  What do you do to take care of YOU?

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Filed Under: Editorial, healing|support, Miscarriage Tagged With: me time, momcation, nurture me, self care

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Lauren B. Stevens is a former publishing rep-turned-writer, whose work can be found on ChildVantage, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy and Care.com, among many other websites. When she's not chasing her precocious preschooler, Lauren pens hilarious and heartwarming stories about her life as a mother, ghostwrites blogs for businesses, and sometimes even finds the time to write a bit of creative non-fiction.
Look for Lauren's published essays in the books listed below:

i’m in these books!

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