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My Grey Hair: Testament to a Life [Well] Lived

2014/08 By Lauren B. Stevens 13 Comments

I'm a featured blogger on Mamapedia Voices

I love my grey hair. I love the fact that I’ve let my hair take it’s natural course, without coloring over it’s silvery strands. I’ve earned every grey hair on my head, and wear life’s natural highlights with pride.

Image via morgueFile

Image via morgueFile

My greys are like scars, each a reminder of a good time, and some not so great times, in my life. Attending three universities, working full time, and a 5 ½ year long journey to earn my undergraduate degree, only to have the dotcom bust and be working for a minimal salary, wondering how I would make ends meet (and pay my student loans). Picking up the shambles of my life and moving thousands of miles away, taking a teaching job and having high school seniors give me a run for my money. Another move, back north thousands of miles, to attend graduate school and earn a Masters degree in a record year’s time.

All of these experiences in my twenties lead to the smattering of greys present on the crown of my head by my 30th birthday, sending me into a panic and straight to my hair stylist for highlights to mask that telling mark of aging. The next few years would be a bevy of change (good and bad), and trigger the burgeoning white crown, hidden under highlights and hair color.

I began coloring my hair regularly at age 34, coinciding with one of the most eventful and tumultuous years of my life. I got sober, married my husband, quit my publishing job, moved to another state, became pregnant, didn’t find another publishing job in the extremely competitive market, heard the news of my parents’ separation (after 43 years of marriage), and was told that my unborn baby had a neural tube defect. If I had only a scattering of greys before 34, I was surely salted and peppered by 35.

I entered my 35th year by welcoming my son (perfectly healthy, mind you) and losing a great deal of sleep; this added to the white halo that was developing above the dark circles and peeking out from beneath my hair color. A couple months before my 36th birthday, I found out that I was expecting another baby; two and a half months later, my dreams of two under the age of two were dashed, and I began spiraling down into a darkness I never knew existed. In an attempt to cheer myself, I treated myself to a long overdue cut and color, defiantly staining my hair brown and convincing myself that my loss meant that I could again color. What I was really doing was hiding my pain.

Four months after losing our baby, I was pregnant again; cautiously optimistic and vowing not to believe it until I hit week 14, but week 14 never came. That fall’s hair color growing out and fading, the depths of my despair could be measured by the number of greys peeking through my brunette locks, afraid to show themselves, lest I find another thing to hate about myself. The months went on, and things became darker while my hair became lighter; life’s natural highlights shone brighter upon my head.

The decision to ‘go grey’ wasn’t a conscious one, but rather one that literally grew on me. Losing two babies in a year shook my foundation and forced me to become more honest with myself than I had ever done before; with that honesty came an acceptance, of my greys, of who I really am. While my age weighs heavily on me, in terms of childbearing, there is a lightness that comes with the life experience I’ve amassed. I’ve learned many truths about myself [and of life] with each stride, stumble, and stand I’ve taken in life, and my greys are a testament to a life lived. These silver highlights of mine, life’s natural highlights, I wear with honor, both in defiance and as a testament to my years and experience. I love my grey hair and I will continue to wear it with pride.

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Filed Under: all, Editorial, featured, healing|support, Miscarriage, Parenting, topics

Comments

  1. Kathy Radigan says

    2014/08 at 3:29 pm

    I really related to your piece and your grey hair. Though I still color my hair when I look at the grey strands I know they are from the sleepless nights of dealing with my special needs child and worry over my oldest dyslexia.

    Grey hair is like wrinkles, one more sign of a life fully lived!! Lovely post! 🙂
    Kathy Radigan recently posted…All or NothingMy Profile

    Reply
    • Lauren Stevens says

      2014/08 at 5:38 am

      Thank you, Kathy! That is definitely true – grey hair and wrinkles are definite signs of a life fully lived!

      ~ Fellow member of the worried moms club

      Reply
  2. Heather Johnson says

    2014/08 at 9:57 am

    I never really understood the obsessions with not aging. Old people who look unnaturally old weird me out. With age usually comes gray hair. Cherish those years you lived, and stop fighting aging, I say. Not everyone gets the opportunity.
    Heather Johnson recently posted…O Is for Octopus Handprint CraftMy Profile

    Reply
    • Lauren Stevens says

      2014/08 at 5:40 am

      I’ve never really understood it either, especially now that I’m in my late 30s. I once had someone [older and wiser] tell me, when I was in my early 20s, that your 30s are better than your 20s, and that your 40s were better than your 30s; he’s been right so far…

      Reply
  3. Uplifting Families says

    2014/08 at 8:32 pm

    I am not looking forward to grey hair myself. I haven’t seen any in my hair yet but I am sure I am not too far off. I plan on dying my hair when I do get grey hair.

    Reply
    • Lauren Stevens says

      2014/08 at 5:42 am

      I always said that it would depend on how my grey came in (I had visions of a beautiful white streak above my forehead), but then life happened. Now that I no longer color my hair, I look in the mirror and am finally able to see some of my age — it looks good!

      Reply
  4. Lindsay says

    2014/08 at 8:50 am

    I have a “nest” of white hair on one section of my head. My husband always plays with those hairs and wonders aloud what goes on in that section of my brain to make those hairs grow there! (I think it’s the “husband section” of my brain, LOL) I too leave my white hairs (part Asian, so I guess mine just aren’t grey!) to grow… OK I admit it: if I have one sticking straight up at the crown I pull it out.
    Lindsay recently posted…Bear Bums Flash Giveaway: Steel Me! #MamanLoupThanksYouMy Profile

    Reply
    • Lauren Stevens says

      2014/08 at 11:09 am

      I love that! I have a similar hair that grows on the crown of my head as well; it sticks straight up and is corkscrew curly :/

      Reply
  5. Anne Sweden says

    2014/08 at 11:41 am

    This hits close to home because my husband has had some silver hairs since his twenties. Now he’s about half brown, half silver and he’s so handsome and distinguished! But people love to tease him anyway.

    I agree with Heather’s comment about age. Why fight it a natural process? And I wish our culture would respect and value elders as is traditionally done in other parts of the world!

    Reply
    • Lauren Stevens says

      2014/08 at 11:10 am

      I love the way men look with a little silver in their hair! My husband has greyed at the temples and I love it!

      Reply
  6. Deb @ Urban Moo Cow says

    2014/08 at 2:03 pm

    Love this and have thought many, many times about just letting myself go gray. I saw my first gray at 21 and have been coloring since 27. It would be amazing if more women could find your courage in a world obsessed with youth and image. Thank you for sharing your story.
    Deb @ Urban Moo Cow recently posted…Parenting in the Time of Poltergeist, or How Mothers ThriveMy Profile

    Reply
    • Lauren Stevens says

      2014/08 at 11:10 am

      Go for it, Girl! Thank you for your kind words 🙂

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Recovering After Miscarriage and Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (RPL) - lo-wren says:
    2014/10 at 7:04 am

    […] through my writing (you know, because miscarriage is a thing that happens to other people), sharing my experiences is cathartic for me, allows me to connect with many, many other families who have suffered […]

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Lauren B. Stevens is a former publishing rep-turned-writer, whose work can be found on ChildVantage, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy and Care.com, among many other websites. When she's not chasing her precocious preschooler, Lauren pens hilarious and heartwarming stories about her life as a mother, ghostwrites blogs for businesses, and sometimes even finds the time to write a bit of creative non-fiction.
Look for Lauren's published essays in the books listed below:

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