I want to begin by saying THANK YOU to everyone who has reached out, offering warm wishes, prayers, and commiserations; and thank you to everyone who has shared my story, in hopes of reaching others. I am truly touched by the number of people who have reached out to me, sharing their stories, their hope, their support. I’m taking it easy at the moment, and not entirely in the mood to be social, either online or in-person, but I am, most assuredly, doing well.
This last miscarriage, my third in 14 months, has thankfully been met with an entirely different mindset than my first two. Yes, I am sad, but I am also very aware of the many blessings my life holds, the biggest of which is my healthy two year old son. This third miscarriage has solidified just how much of a miracle my son is, and how grateful we are to have him in our lives. I’ve said many times, to many people, that I couldn’t imagine undergoing these multiple miscarriages before having a healthy baby, as I fear it would have broken me entirely (and possibly put the thought of trying for another baby far from my mind).
My battle with depression, after suffering my first two miscarriages, took me to a place so dark, I am afraid of ever revisiting. For those of you who are battling depression after suffering from a miscarriage or infant loss, please reach out to someone; you do not have to delve deep into depression alone. I say this because I was on the verge of suicide, spent months being angry at the world, my husband, my son, and developed an anxiety so crippling that it was difficult for me to leave my own home, even for a quick trip to the store. My depression killed my quality of life, put an immeasurable strain on my marriage, and made me take my son for granted. I share this because I would hate to have anyone else travel far down the road of depression before seeking help. You may feel incredibly alone, but find solace in the fact that you are not; none of us have ever wanted to be members of the ‘miscarriage club’, but we can give support and find support with each other.
I began medication and talk therapy in March, and I attribute my positive attitude, and ability to work through the myriad of feelings I’m experiencing from this last loss, to the fact that I was able to achieve a healthy mental and emotional state by seeking outside help. If you are in a position where medical options are unavailable to you, I would encourage you to find a support group where you can interact and share with women who have experienced the same loss[es] as yourself. Melanie, the blogger behind Sunshine Praises, has traveled this difficult road herself, and is the admin behind a Facebook support group called Wishing for Rainbows; you may see me there, so be sure to say ‘hello’.
While Miscarriage was never a platform I saw myself embracing through my writing (you know, because miscarriage is a thing that happens to other people), sharing my experiences is cathartic for me, allows me to connect with many, many other families who have suffered loss[es], and most of all, hopefully serves to help other women who stumble across my site through internet searches about miscarriage.
I’ve been on both sides of this unfortunate experience, having had both a natural miscarriage and a Dilution and Evacuation (D&E), and am more than happy to answer any questions that come my way, or even ‘listen’ to women who just want to reach out and share their stories.
I want you to know that I am filled with hope; that whatever the outcome may be, whether it be finding answers or discovering that our son will be our only child, I am at peace knowing that a power, greater than myself, has a plan for me. Most importantly, I know that all will be well.