parenting Archives

5 Things I Learned from Bringing Up Bebé

2015/07 By Lauren B. Stevens Leave a Comment

When I found out I was pregnant, shortly after making a huge out-of-state move for my husband’s company, I also found myself out of work. It was just one year after the publishing world collapsed and mass layoffs abounded; independent bookstores were closing at insane rates across the country, and big box store Borders abruptly closed all stores. I found myself going through multiple rounds of interviews with Philadelphia publishers…only to find that I didn’t get the positions. Here I was, with only a handful of years in the publishing industry, going up against publishing veterans with 10+ years of experience who were willing to take a pay cut and a position beneath their experience to remain in the industry they loved.

When my pregnancy test came out positive, I knew my days of serious job hunting were over. There was no way I could lie about my pregnancy and let’s face it, no one was really going to hire me if I disclosed my pregnancy, especially with the abundance of qualified applicants in the market. In an effort to bide my time and make a little money while pregnant, I took a part time job in a bookstore, working as a children’s book specialist.

The outer shelves of my section were filled with pregnancy and parenting books, and I came across an interesting title while shelving books in the section. That book was Bringing Up Bebé. As a soon-to-be parent, I was intrigued by this seemingly different parenting wisdom, so I grabbed a copy (well before it hit bestseller lists). I think Bringing Up Bebé was so popular is because it didn’t read like a parenting book, and the success of the “groundbreaking” ideas in Frenchwomen Don’t Get Fat were still resonating in America. The French were apparently doing life right, and we Americans wanted a piece of it.

If I’m honest, many of the ideas I gleaned from Bringing Up Bebé were forgotten in the throes of being a new parent, but quite a few resonated with me and “stuck”. I was delighted when the opportunity arose to write about a book that was a big part of my own pregnancy for Care.com!

You can read some of my thoughts in this piece, **5 Things I Learned From Bringing Up Bebé,** on Care.com.

*This post contains affiliate links.

What to Expect® When You’re Expecting: Bestseller Milestone!

2015/07 By Lauren B. Stevens Leave a Comment

I’ve written about a myriad of parenting books, but have yet to write about great prenatal books…until now. What to Expect® When You’re Expecting was on my radar long before I even knew that I wanted children. It wasn’t because I owned a copy, though many of my girlfriends did, it was because I was a merchandising manager working in a bookstore. Each week, I would arrange the books on the bestseller list in the front shelves, and each week What to Expect® When You’re Expecting was on the list. The rank didn’t remain the same, so I found myself shuffling the title’s position on a weekly basis, but What to Expect® When You’re Expecting always remained in that top ten. What to Expect® When You’re Expecting has spent over six-hundred weeks (over ELEVEN YEARS) on the New York Times bestseller list; in fact, if you check the New York Times bestseller list this week, you’ll find that What to Expect® When You’re Expecting is on the list. Pretty impressive, eh?

So why does What to Expect® brand remain a top seller in pregnancy and childcare books? Timeless advice and continual word-of-mouth recommendations. If you come across a copy of What to Expect® When You’re Expecting from the 80s, and even the 90s, you’ll have a great laugh at the illustrations within. Moms wearing muumuu-type maternity wear will have you giggling throughout, but guess what? The advice will still be spot-on for your pregnancy. In fact, when I first told my closest girlfriend I was pregnant (about 10 minutes after getting my positive pregnancy test result), the first question she asked was whether she could buy me my (notice I used “my” instead of “a”) copy of What to Expect® When You’re Expecting — it’s a rite a passage.

When I finally married and became pregnant, What to Expect® When You’re Expecting became a nightly ritual for me. The anticipation of one’s first pregnancy is killer and I found myself rereading the same passages each night before bed. I wanted to know what was going on with my body, how my baby was developing, and the small asides in the books about all of the strange and fascinating things happening to my pregnant body. Dark nipples, heartburn of hellfire proportions, aches, pains and swollen ankles – all of these things (and more) were covered in What to Expect® When You’re Expecting.

I loved the What to Expect® brand so much that I purchased What to Expect® The First Year, just before my son was born. There I read about the fourth trimester and breastfeeding, and then read ahead to see what I could expect month to month. With an entire line of prenatal, postnatal and baby care books, with trusted advice, I can understand why the What to Expect® brand remains a top pick and why What to Expect® When You’re Expecting has been on the bestseller list for over 11 years.

I’m curious to know how many of you read What to Expect® When You’re Expecting during your first pregnancy! Chime in in the comments section below!

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls, the content and opinions expressed here are my own.

*This post contains affiliate links.

How To Raise An Adult

2015/06 By Lauren B. Stevens 1 Comment

By now you know that I really enjoy parenting books, especially those dealing with the psychology of parenting (and early childhood). So many of my recent parenting reads have dealt with the toddler years, so it was refreshing to receive a review copy of former Stanford dean, Julie Lythcott-Haims’ How To Raise An Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success.

You might be wondering why I’m reading a book about raising and adult, with my son not yet three years old. The beauty of Lythcott-Haims’ book is that it applies to parents of babies through college students. It’s never too early — or too late — to tweak your parenting practices. Lythcott-Haims provides a bevy of research in How To Raise An Adult, but the research doesn’t bog down your reading because it’s presented in a conversational tone.

We’ve all heard the term helicopter parenting, but how many of us have ever explored how and why this parenting trend came about? I’ve often wondered, especially when I read articles reporting parents sitting in on their children’s job interviews or negotiating benefits packages for them, but I’ve never really explored the hows and whys (and knowing these can help me avoid becoming a helicopter parent). Lythcott-Haims provides a wonderful, research-backed, explanation of how the overparenting trend began. My favorite passage is something my husband and I have often laughed about when talking about childhood:

Look, today’s grandmothers were raised in completely different times. And they weren’t exactly watchful as parents. In fact between their smoke and drink-filled pregnancies, leaving us home alone while they were at work or out “finding themselves,” and record-setting divorce and remarriage rates, many of us who were born in the ’60s and ’70s fended for ourselves to an extent that today might be called neglect. (45)

Lythcott-Haims suggests that the overparenting trend may be in reaction to the laid-back approach our parents took towards parenting. I can’t say that I disagree, as she makes a solid case.

So, how does this relate to me, the parent of a toddler? Lythcott-Haims provides many examples of how overparenting ‘looks’, as well as illustrating how overparenting effects our children into adulthood. If we truly believe, as Lythcott-Haims says, that “One of the key life skills our children must develop…is the ability to live without us,” then we must do everything possible to avoid becoming helicopter parents (86).

So, why do so many women lose themselves in parenting? I’ve held this theory for a long time, and have even spoken about it, but Lythcott-Haims shares Psychotherapist Beth Gagnon’s take on this phenomenon: “Highly educated women pour their skills into parenting. They become experts at parenting in their mind” (121).

What is the key to nurturing your children and not crossing over the line into overparenting? Lythcott-Haims provides a beautifully simple mantra, developed by her friend, Stacey Ashlund. Are you ready for it?

first we do it for you,
then we do it with you,
then we watch you do it,
then you do it completely independently (166).

Brilliant! These are just a few of the many nuggets of parenting wisdom Julie Lythcott-Haims shares in How To Raise An Adult. A highly enjoyable read, I’ve learned a great deal from the research and examples provided in the book. If you’re interested in finding out more about raising your children for success without overparenting, pick up your copy today! How To Raise An Adult is available in bookstores, or you can purchase through my Amazon affiliate link HERE.

You can learn more about the book and glean useful parenting tips from HTRAA on Facebook and Twitter.

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

How Toddlers Thrive

2015/04 By Lauren B. Stevens 2 Comments

I’m not a parenting expert, I just play one on my blog. Ha! Nothing could be further from the truth, but I do share about my foibles as well as my successes in parenting.

Now that my son is in the throes of toddlerhood, much of my parenting is about guiding and teaching him to become a well-adjusted, emotionally healthy being equipped to deal with whatever curveballs life throws him. I’m fascinated by child psychology, especially that which deals with parenting.

I’ll be the first to admit that parenting throughout the toddler years can be a challenge. In fact, it has been a challenge for me, which is why I am constantly in search of materials to better educate my parenting techniques. I learned very early on that I needed to take a ‘choose your battles’ approach, but after reading Dr. Tovah Klein’s How Toddlers Thrive, I’ve found that I really don’t have any ‘battles’ to choose these days.

You may be wondering how it is that I, with a two-and-a-half-year-old son, no longer have any battles of will with my toddler; it’s not that there aren’t difficult parenting moments, it’s that I understand the reasoning behind the behavior and am better equipped to parent through what used to be incredibly trying toddler moments. I have Dr. Klein to thank for my new parenting skills (and outlook)!

Dr. Tovah Klein is the Director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development, and is often referred to as “The Toddler Whisperer”. Klein’s twenty years of toddler research, and complete immersion into the world of toddlers, translates into her veritable handbook for [successfully] parenting through the toddler years: How Toddlers Thrive.

Klein’s How Toddlers Thrive is a fluid read, devoid of the heavy use of clinical terms that often weigh down many psychological texts. Parents will appreciate the organizational structure of How Toddlers Thrive, clearly divided into different topic areas (read: concerns), making it easy for parents to flip through to pertinent sections. Most importantly, Klein provides real-life examples of situations parents of toddlers often encounter; she discusses how parents were handling the situation, the causes of that particular behavior, the adjustments the parents made in how they treated the situation, and the outcome after altering their approach. These scenarios, with scripts, are extremely valuable for someone like myself, as probing and acknowledging my child’s feelings isn’t something that comes naturally to me.

Perhaps the greatest wisdom How Toddlers Thrive imparts is for parents to put themselves into their toddler’s shoes, armed with knowledge of the emotional, cognitive and physical abilities of this age (2-5 years old). Understanding that your child’s brain is still developing and is incapable of approaching and dealing with daily life situations in the manner we adults are accustomed to, is the key to parenting through the toddler years. In How Toddlers Thrive, Klein states:

Children are not mini adults. They don’t think like we do. They don’t see the world like we see it. Toddlers are not thinking ahead of themselves. They cannot. They are beings tied amazingly to the present tense, thinking only about themselves and wanting to feel safe, loved, taken care of, and yet independent all at once. (7)

Simple, right? I needed Klein to remind me of this, and explain in greater detail what is going on with my toddler, so that I could (and can) slowly adjust how I approach [what used to be difficult] situations with my toddler. Armed with the knowledge Klein provides in How Toddlers Thrive, I’ve found myself gradually becoming a more patient and understanding parent. I no longer attempt to engage in a ‘battle of wills’ with my toddler, instead, I purposely connect during times of frustration, probing and acknowledging my son’s feelings and [re]actions. And guess what? Temper tantrums and other behaviors one would label as acting out are few and far between.

When my son told me that he hated me last week, I knew he was navigating his newfound emotional independence and testing out a new word in his vocabulary (I’m not sure where it came from, though). His next statement, after I expressed no alarm and probed his reason for making such a statement, was “I love you, mom.” The incident, if you could even call it that, was over before it ever really began. What I was left with was a verbal indicator of how my son’s brain was piecing together information, making sense of the world around him, and asserting his independence in a new way.

Perhaps my biggest reason for reading as much as I can about child development, and learning healthy parenting strategies, is because I want use every tool I can to help my son develop into an emotionally healthy individual. Klein speaks about the importance of this early in How Toddlers Thrive, and it remained in my mind throughout the remainder of the book:

Indeed, how we interact with our toddlers now plays an enormous role in how they develop later. Set a strong foundation during the toddler years, and ongoing development has a firm base. Weaken that foundation during these crucial years, and the consequences are seen for years to come. (9)

Think about the enormity of that statement. If you find yourself struggling to parent through your child’s toddler years, are engaging in daily battles of wills, or are interested in preparing yourself for your baby’s next stage of development, I wholeheartedly recommend picking up a copy of Dr. Tovah Klein’s How Toddlers Thrive; I guarantee you’ll find yourself parenting differently after reading.

For more information about Tovah Klein, her work with toddlers, and more parenting tips, visit www.howtoddlersthrive.com. How Toddlers Thrive is available in major bookstores, or you can purchase through my affiliate link on Amazon HERE.

*I was sent a copy of How Toddlers Thrive for review purposes; all opinions expressed are my own.

Curious to learn more about toddlers and their emotions? Check out this article by The Brain Flux.

Rock ‘n Roll: Your 4 to 7 Month Old Baby and Movement

2015/04 By Lauren B. Stevens Leave a Comment

Your baby grew by leaps and bounds its first three months, and months 4 through 7 are no different. Your 7-month-old baby is developing muscles and moving with much more purpose, but what big milestones will he tackle at this stage?

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Little Things Long Remembered by Dr. Susan Newman

2015/02 By Lauren B. Stevens 2 Comments

Close your eyes and think back to your earliest memories of childhood. What stands out the most? What memories and moments put a smile on your face?

When I close my eyes, I can almost smell the woodsmoke in the crisp fall air, and hear the crunch of fallen leaves under my feet, on one the many nature walks I took as a child. When I hear the word circus, I’m taken back to a time when I was a third of the size I am now, my father lying on his back and bouncing me on his feet as I held onto his outstretched hands [for dear life]. Laughter, lots and lots of laughter. My father smoothing my forehead with the palm of his hand, saying “smooth as a baby’s behind,” and my mother calling me “Lauren Bethy-Boo” in a sing-song voice. These memories are the result of simple moments in my childhood, but each has had a larger, lasting impact on me.

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Toddlerisms: Levity During Trying Moments in Parenting

2015/02 By Lauren B. Stevens 2 Comments

As any parent can attest, the toddler years can be some of the most trying times and also yield some of the sweetest moments in your child’s life. There are days when I text my husband at work, asking what time he thinks he’ll be home because my patience is on the verge of breaking. Most days, I’m like a broken record, repeating “No” a bazillion times, and contemplating trademarking “please don’t touch that/climb on that/jump on the couch,” as those frequently uttered phrases are now my personal anthem. But for every trying moment, there are more than enough sweet moments, serving to calm my frazzled nerves. A spontaneous neck-hug, a moist kiss on the cheek, and the completely random “I love you, mommy”s are enough to brush away any mounting toddler frustrations I may have. Then, there are those gems, those random phrases spoken during language acquisition that have you scratching your head, biting your lip to keep from laughing, or so funny that laughter erupts from the depths of your belly. Those ‘gems’ I’m referring to, my friends, are toddlerisms.

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Parenting: Saying ‘No’ When You Want to Say ‘Yes’

2015/01 By Lauren B. Stevens 1 Comment

We’ve all had those days when we fall into bed exhausted after teaching, corralling, making difficult decisions, and nurturing our little ones. Then there are those moments where you have to make split-second parenting calls; you know, when your little one says something inappropriate out in public, especially when it’s directed towards someone. I had one of those public moments last week, when my gregarious son, after having been cooped-up in the house with a cold, decided to chat up every stranger we passed in the store. Declan’s a pretty charismatic kid, so people typically engage with him, whether he initiates it or not, but on this occasion, we happened to be next to a woman in the grocery store aisle who seemingly just wanted to shop in peace. After several “hellos”, Declan vocalized his inability to understand the lack of acknowledgement from the woman, turning to me and repeatedly saying “mommy, that little lady isn’t saying hi” and “why won’t that little lady say hi?” Every adult, for reasons only know to Declan, is a “little man” or a “little lady”, and other children are referred to as “little boys” and “little girls” (much to other, older children’s dismay).

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Whore Pigs and Other Toddlerisms

2015/01 By Lauren B. Stevens 5 Comments

The wonders of toddlerhood, and the toddlerisms that my son often comes up with never, ever cease to amaze and amuse me.

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Parenting Is Not About Me

2015/01 By Lauren B. Stevens 1 Comment

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned as a parent is that parenting is not about me or my husband, it is, and always will be about our child. From the earliest days, our lives were dictated by our infant’s most basic needs: breastfeeding on-demand, dry diapers, warm clothes. Those early choices had nothing to do with our wants and needs as parents, they had everything to do with what our son needed (and continues to need).