Whore Pigs and Other Toddlerisms

The wonders of toddlerhood, and the toddlerisms that my son often comes up with never, ever cease to amaze and amuse me.

This past weekend was one I had bookmarked, scheduled, and looked forward to for weeks. It began with me asking my husband to take Friday off, as I wanted to hit up a local thrift outlet’s once-a-month 50% off day to grab some 3T clothes for Declan (we were getting close to high-water/clam digger territory with his 2T pants). My husband suggested that I try to book a hotel to have a quiet night away, but I didn’t find it necessary (as much as I’d like some quiet “me” time, I’d likely get bored in a hotel by myself, and I could just as easily lock myself in the bedroom to read). Instead, I scheduled a couple days of pampering, taking advantage of my husband’s generosity.

I keep a pretty hectic work schedule, up early (4:30-5am) and making the most of nap times and evening hours. In addition to my own blog, I ghostwrite a business blog, manage social media for a couple businesses, work as a liaise for another company, and write pieces for print publication. I do this with a husband who works twelve hour days and without daycare or a mother’s helper, so I often become overwhelmed and in desperate need of time to decompress (and ‘turn my brain off’). I’m thankful that my husband supports me as much as he can, which often means taking special daddy and Declan day trips on weekends, for me to either work, clean the house, or just veg with a book, relishing the quiet that results from an absent toddler.

After bargain shopping (I was able to purchase most of the 3T and 4T clothes Declan will need for under $100 – two garbage bags full!), we stopped for lunch and returned home for a quick nap. Having been battling a viral infection for over a week, I was beyond exhausted, but I dutifully rolled out of bed after my power nap and headed out to get my hair cut. Five inches later, I returned home for our Friday family dinner and a movie night; despite my exhaustion, I was able to stay awake through Boyhood, one of the greatest films I’ve seen (easily in my all-time top 5).

Working long hours during the week, my husband (and Declan) looks forward to weekend jaunts, be it errands or adventures, and this weekend held a trip to the Delaware Museum of Natural History (dinosaurs galore!). After sleeping like the dead, and sleeping in for the first time in ages (even when my husband tries to let me sleep in, my body wakes on it’s 5am schedule), I slowly sipped my coffee, finished editing a piece I had been working on for an anthology, and took care of some things around the house…before heading out for a mini spa day. I spent three glorious hours being pampered, prodded, kneaded, and soothed, returning home refreshed and anxious to hear about my guys’ day.

My husband quickly debriefed me, and I sat down with Declan to talk about his day. Asking what he had seen at the museum, Declan proceeded to tell me that it was scary at first (there is a giant squid hanging in the entrance of the museum), but after daddy told him that they were “just statues” he was fine. Declan went into great detail, explaining each animal he had seen, and proceeded to tell me about the WHORE PIG he had checked out at the museum. Having previously conferred with my husband, I knew immediately that Declan was talking about a WART HOG on display, and I could do nothing to hide my laughter at my two year old’s hilarious word play. We laughed and laughed, Declan joining in and taking great pleasure in pointing out how red both my and my husband’s faces were. It was an adorable moment, my son coyly covering his mouth as belly laughs escaped between his little fingers.

Hours after Declan went to bed, as my husband and I relaxed watching a film, I caught another case of the giggles: WHORE PIG?!? This began a round of tired giggles, as my husband and I found every possible way to use the term, WHORE PIG. There are moments when the “terrible twos” rears its ugly head, but moments when Declan experiments with language, or commits language gaffes, says that he “loves his family” while reading a book together in bed, or just tells me he loves me…out of the blue, these moments wipe away any frustration on my part. Kids say the darndest things, don’t they?

What is the funniest/craziest thing your little one has said?