First of all, we need to remember that there is no such thing as “friendship”. That is, there are relationships between people that can be characterized in some way, and there is a tradition of calling a certain type of relationship friendship. But there is no independent entity called “friendship.” There are only real live relationships, without names or clear outlines.
It follows that notions like “real friendship”, “real love” and the like are essentially absurd. If only concrete interactions between concrete people really exist, how can one draw a line between the real and the not-real, between friendship and not-friendship, between love and not-love?
Nevertheless, it is still accepted to draw a certain line. And it is done on the basis of an artificial scale of evaluations. The situation here is like watching the waves in the sea. Some go from left to right, others from right to left. Which ones are the real ones? How to separate some waves from others, if everything depends on which foot and on which side the observer stands?
One way or another, we have come to believe that the smaller waves are friendship, and the bigger waves are love. But it is not the labels we hang on them, not our opinions, but the waves themselves that matter. That is, what matters are concrete live relationships with a living person, not what we call them and what template we try to fit them into.
So, is it worth discussing what “real friendship” is? Let’s better see what friendship is understood in practice, and what it all leads to.
Female friendship
Women are creatures of practicality and pragmatism. From a social point of view, it may not always look beautiful, because such far-fetched principles as loyalty and devotion, for women in general do not exist. But from a psychological point of view, such sobriety is only admirable. Men should learn this from women.
Female friendship always has the character of a temporary union. Like two independent states honoring their own interests above all. Sometimes it’s good to have an ally. But do kings and presidents swear eternal loyalty? No, an alliance exists only as long as it’s beneficial.
It’s the same with women – as long as it’s convenient and profitable to be friends, they’re best friends. But as soon as the interests crossed – friendship is over. In words may sound slogans about loyalty, but in practice a woman will do exactly as it is profitable for her, and just find an excuse in the fact that the case is exceptional, and nothing she could not help herself.
And that’s really good. Because a woman deceives herself and others only in words, and in action is always more or less honest to herself. But men for the sake of friendship and this vow can let their whole lives go under the radar, and there is nothing to be proud of.
